Instinct & Intuition
This was the moment, the moment of pure joy and pride. Her baby was born in the water and there was a moment of silence and the baby was still, purple. She covered her mouth and nose with her own and sucked and spat, sucked and spat three more times, and the baby sprung into life
Afterwards she told me that she had never seen that done, even heard of it. Hadn't considered how to revive. But something took hold and she knew what to do to help nudge her baby into existence
To witness, it was incredible
Birth is of course unbelievable to witness in any form, but watching instinct like this has become unusual when there are relentless attempts to undermine it during our pregnancies
Part of our antenatal education, our birth prep, should be finding our intuition and learning how to hear it and trust it. And it makes for amazing moments like this...
Earth Mother
I have this very clear memory. Dancing in The Mother's Ruin - pint in hand. I was having a good time. My toddler is asleep at home. The first night out in what felt like a hundred years. Then the boyfriend of one of my friends staggers over, looks at me and says 'not much of an earth mother then, Jess?' giggles, unsure of what he even meant, and trots off again.
My initial reaction was vehement denial. I was offended. "I am a bloody earth mother!" and skulk off home embarrassed. But I didn't do that. Instead I felt myself fade away, I toned myself down, I left. I felt guilty and sad and angry and confused. In my head, in that moment, he had said "not much of a good mother then, Jess?".
It wasn't until much later that I considered whether or not I actually was, or even wanted to be, an 'earth mother'. What is an earth mother? Why do we feel like we have to be labelled as or comply to a dictionary definition of motherhood? The career mum, the stay-at-home-mum, the 'earth' mother? Is being an 'earth mother' the pinnacle - the best of the best. Should we all be striving towards that? I am definitely guilty of defending my choices, stating that I go to work to provide for my kids, something that is only in-part true. I deserve this night out and will make up for it tomorrow, do something really fun with the girls, be really fun. I'll sit and dwell on a misdemeanour for months afterwards. Try harder, be better, make amends.
When we consider the stereotypes of motherhood, it's worth thinking about whether it is these social constraints, assumptions, that make motherhood feel so simple and unworthy of much discussion. Just a mum. Because the general verdict is that once you're a mum, you are 'just' a type of mum - and lucky us, that nowadays we get a few versions to choose from. When really, we are the same people we were before - with layers and facets that, perhaps, childless people's personalities are gifted? The same layered people, broken and rebuilt like everybody else, but changed. Transcended.
When I think back to this criticism (because I think it was meant that way) from a childless man and my reaction to him, I wonder if this is also how we approach birth in some ways. We either succumb to what 'the man' tells us to do. Or we fight against it, enraged. Is there not a happy medium? I can be this and that and do this and that. I can question things, sit with them and think about it. I can want a vaginal birth and an actively managed third stage. To combi feed. To co-sleep but also feel touched out. These are not contradictory.
Fitting into different moulds doesn't feel good, having to constantly change and adapt depending on who our audience is. It has left me completely unsure of who I am, genuinely. I need to learn how to be all the things I am all of the time rather than putting a different suit on depending which room I enter. For it to feel natural. Is that the real definition of the 'earth mother'. The person comfortable in themselves and at peace with the process. The dictionary describes an 'earth mother' as 'an archetypally nurturing and maternal woman.' A definition that could be applied to a huge array of mothers, in completely different roles. So yes, I am an Earth Mother. So there
Building a Positive Mindset
Mindset coaching can be a really powerful tool. Hypnobirthing techniques scrape the surface of mindset work but coaching delves much deeper into reprogramming the subconscious mind. As you give birth, you fall almost entirely into your subconscious mind so you need to make sure you have cleared any negative stigma you might not be aware of.
When someone mentions nits - everyone itches their heads. This is because of the mind-body connection and it applies to birth. If you’re mind holds you back, it’ll interfere with what’s happening
Building a positive mindset by:
Watching and reading positive birth videos/stories
Gathering knowledge - understanding the process of birth
Manifestation & Visualisations
Affirmations
Journalling
Meditation
Do these first thing in the morning or last thing at night as your subconscious is more available at these times to absorb them and be reprogrammed
Oxytocin
Create an environment where oxytocin flows - where you feel safe, calm, relaxed and loved. Oxytocin fuels our surges and we need to be relaxed to produce oxytocin. If you see labour slow down, it's likely to do with adrenaline taking over from oxytocin.
Oxytocin causes the uterus to contract during labour and after your baby is born to shrink your uterus back down.
Oxytocin causes your milk ducts to contract as well - allowing your let down
Helps you bond with your baby immediately after giving birth
Reduces stress and anxiety
Visualisation, Affirmation & Fear Release
Visualisation
Visualise ideal birth
Lots of celebs use visualisation, it’s common! Visualisation is made possible by the hippocampus, where our memories are stored as well as where we imagine the future. Because of this connection, the brain can’t differentiate between the two. This is why we feel genuine panic after a nightmare. When something happens the brain desperately seeks an association. If the association is a positive birth - et voila! This works also for affirmations. When the brain hits a panicked ‘I can’t do this’ the associated affirmation ‘my body knows how to birth my baby’ kicks in.
So visualisation means we create ‘memories’ of positive birth that the hippocampus can draw on - as if we’ve done it all before
Affirmation
Rather than saying or writing, you need to really feel it, really believe it. Stand up and shout, listen to music. Use movement.
Affirmations can be copied from books or websites but work best if they are personal to you. We can create affirmations based on the fear-release exercise
Fear-tension-pain cycle
If your brain thinks that birth is painful or dangerous, the limbic system perceives threat and sets off your sympathetic nervous system - stress, sweat, heart rates speeds, blood leaves the uterus and flows to extremeties for fight or flight. Hypnobirthing techniques replace those beliefs with new ones - shifting your beliefs so when you fall into your subconscious, the hypnosis, or deep relaxation take you to this new place.
An demo of Fear - tension - pain -> pulse fingers when tense versus pulse fingers when relaxed
To avoid this you release the fear and break the cycle. When your threat or stress levels rise try: thumb to each finger tip, 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you smell, 2 you hear, 1 you taste, brisk movement, heat to break the cycle
Dr Dick-Read coined the phrase: The ‘fear, tension, pain cycle’. You're scared, blood (carrying oxygen) goes to hands and feet, uterus slows and becomes painful. The pain causes fear, and round and round we go. Stay calm and you won't produce adrenaline and labour should be quick and comfortable. Both oxytocin and adrenaline are produced by the autonomic nervous system and they don't work simultaneously. If one increases, the other decreases. You need to discourage adrenaline so oxytocin can creep in and help you birth your baby. Don't worry if you do feel adrenaline soaked as you can undo it's affects quickly by relaxing, using your breathing and movement techniques and showering yourself in things that make you feel happy and safe
Journalling
After the visualisation, spend time journaling - this should look like an overspill of thought,
What comes up when you think about birth?
Do you believe you can achieve the birth you visualised?
What stories did you hear about birth as a child?
What is your self-talk like?
What do you believe about birth?
Journaling can also be done to ascertain what your limiting beliefs are. You can then apply the table leg analogy to them and try to reverse negative preconceptions
Meditation
Meditation helps you to listen to your inner voice, your body and your baby's tiny heartbeat
This can be just sitting quietly or a guided meditation. Doing this regulates your nervous system which helps alter your mindset. Only needs to be a few minutes, but everyday.
Try to find a place of deep relaxation every day and create anchors for your birth space using your sense;
See - visualisation
Hear - favourite song
Smell - relax roller
Touch - a soft blanket
Taste - crystallised ginger
Fear Release
Define your limitations and rebalance them
Fear of the contraction hardens the uterine muscles and your baby’s head pushes against hard muscle and it’s painful. Remember the difference between pain and suffering
Fear release exercise
On one side write fears and the other, the release. As an example a fear could be- “I am worried I will tear in childbirth” and the release can be that you understand that your vagina can stretch and shrink to accommodate the birth of your baby - how most tears are superficial and heal on their own - that a perineal compress and steady labour can help avoid tearing. You then go through your releases again and turn them into affirmations
“I am worried that I won’t be able to cope with the pain”
The response could be “I understand that I am not suffering and that each contraction is bringing me one step closer to meeting my baby”
These need to be personal to you however.
Positioning
Movement and positioning are things I talk a lot about and it's because they can be such game changers in the birth space. Changing position and moving around can help ease discomfort, help your baby descend and progress labour beautifully.
Going to the toilet, not only helps to clear space for your baby but also opens the pelvis and releases your pelvic floor. We are conditioned, and by that I mean that we're used to relaxing our pelvic floors and perineums when we sit on the toilet. The contractions you feel on the toilet can feel more intense but that is usually because they are powerful, they are doing a lot! They are surging your baby downward.
Not only this, but the toilet is usually a private space, perfect to produce melatonin and oxytocin.
Intervention
Now hear me out. I am a lover of the NHS (most of the time). We are so lucky to have access to medical care when we need it. But birth isn't a medical event. I used the analogy the other day - we don't eat our lunch in the hospital car park in case we choke, we go to hospital when we're choking
Interventions exist and can help save lives, but we don't need them most of the time. Understanding the origin stories of things such as this can help us to ask questions and decide for ourselves what's right for us
Read about the origins of birth intervention here - https://www.instagram.com/p/CuWwVLENNoX/?img_index=2
Werewolves - transition - matrescence
After witnessing a beautiful physiological birth I'm wondering if origin stories of werewolves actually came from seeing women give birth...
The bones you didn't know you had emerging, the tip toes, long feet arching, the howling. Stretching, changing, nose to the roof and collapse. No greater transformation than matrescence
I could look it up, but for now I'm happy to assume I'm right
Road Blocks
Recognising our road blocks, be them physical, instinctual or emotional then determining which are true to us and which are overspill from others. Then tackling each of them in turn, applying a rational and emotional response to the solution
Birth prep is about so much more than pain relief and where to give birth. When you're pregnant you often find yourself in a more open but vulnerable place. Your memories and experiences, some long forgotten, resurface and can present challenges. Or unknown strength and resilience. Finding the blocks and breaking them down can leave you in a safe and able place to give birth and experience your matrescence
Relaxation
Relaxation and meditative techniques for some feel like a waste of time, or that there is no time to do them but they can be integral in creating a positive birth mindset and preparing your body not just for pregnancy and birth but also for parenthood
If you can, take 5 minutes a day surrounded by positive anchors that you can recreate in your birth environment and check in with your body. Scan from head to toe, inside and out. Notice tension and focus your breathing toward it. If you hit a block, what comes up? Is there someone or something standing in your way. Then nurture those blockages - forgive, heal or put boundaries in place to protect your experience
Beautiful illustration by @browngirlart
Aromatherapy and essential oils in pregnancy, labour and your fourth trimester
Jess Swingler - Doula & Perfumist
I have always been very drawn towards the use of essential oils and grew up in a household that
used them extensively. I trained as a perfumist and ran a small business where I created bespoke
perfumes based on a description of someone’s character or something that wanted to overcome.
These explorations often turned into lengthy exchanges where my customers would tell me about
their whole lives, their fears and their passions.
I think scent is really powerful, especially when used for relaxation or to be uplifted. I have
sometimes felt dubious about the benefits for some things BUT, a bit like with the planning-a-home-
birth statistics, where your odds move drastically to the better, I think the process of trying to
improve something, trying to understand something, is really beneficial and essential oils offer an
accessible ‘in’ for that.
As a Doula, I always try and incorporate aromatherapy into my ante natal sessions as essentials oils
act as such fantastic anchors in labour. Association can be so powerful and a scent that helps you
relax pre-natally, will evoke those same feelings in labour.
I will always advise clients to practise caution and also be VERY aware of allergies (many carrier oils
contain almond or hazelnut) and also consider potential nut allergies with babies. The decision to
use essential oils on babies is personal. I did with my own and really felt the benefits but I would
always advise using 1-2 drops of essential oil per every 10ml carrier oil. Or just a carrier oil alone! As
far as I’m aware, most baby massage teachers give you a take-home massage oil which is made of
sunflower or vegetable oil and 2 drops of lavender essential oil.
Orange oil is one of my favourites as it’s an adaptogenic, meaning it lifts you up and calms you down
– it helps you adapt to stress. This is fantastic when it comes to childbirth because you need energy,
you feel uplifted helps you feel energised. But you also need to be calm and relaxed to help your
oxytocin flow. So win, win!
I like to share the following with my clients so they have a good idea of what they can use and how it
might help with various things;
Babies
Some people choose to use frankincense on newborn babies as it promotes general wellbeing. Use
diluted frankincense on the crown of the baby’s head and down the spine, lavender on the soles of
their feet and myrrh on the umbilical cord (because it is known to aid healing and fight infection).
This also plays into a ritual for you to perform after giving birth which can really help to focus energy
and enjoy those first few hours fully.
Rituals aside, there are essential oils that can assist with various ailments that newborns often suffer
with;
Colic, reflux, tummy ache
1 drop of orange oil and 1 drop of roman chamomile mixed with grapeseed oil around the tummy
button and upwards
Dry skin/cradle cap
Mix 1 drop of frankincense and 1 of lavender with jojoba oil and massage into scalp (I used this
method and it’s magical!)
Ear Pain
Dilute tea tree and basil oils with grapeseed oil and rub around the outside of the ear every couple
of hours
Fever
Diluted peppermint to soles of feet and down the spine WARNING: peppermint oil is known to
reduce milk supply so unless that’s your intention, make sure you use this very sparingly if you’re
breastfeeding, if at all!
Nappy Rash
Make a spray with either water or carrier oil mixed with tea tree, frankincense and lavender. Just a
note, if you put oil inot a spray bottle it squirts out in a single jet, rather than a spritz (like with
water) so don’t go shooting it directly at your baby’s bum or it might give them a shock!
Teething
Make a rollerball for the jawline, behind ears and down the neck with a mix of frankincense, clove,
lavender and roman chamomile
Pregnancy
First Trimester
Leg Cramps: Add a mix of marjoram, cypress, lavender and geranium into your bath water
Nausea: Both peppermint and ginger oil are great in a rollerball, as is lemon. Also, a drop of
cardamon behind the ears has been known to help
Anxiety and Low Mood: Orange, bergamot, frankincense, lavender and ylang ylang are all brilliant
mood booster. Inhale from cupped hands, diffuse or use in a rollerball on wrists and back of neck
Breast Tenderness: Grapefruit, ylang ylang and lavender, diluted in any carrier oil and massage into
breasts
Constipation: Lemon, peppermint and fennel with any carrier oil. Massage into tummy in a
clockwise motion
Headache/Dizziness: Lavender and peppermint in carrier oil applied to temples, forehead, back of
neck or inhaled from cupped hands
Second Trimester
Heartburn: Massage a mix of peppermint, ginger and orange with carrier oil and use on abdomen.
Backache: Massage lavender, marjoram and rosemary in carrier oil into lower back
Stretch Marks: Dilute lavender, myrrh, geranium, frankincense and orange in carrier oil and massage
into stretch marks – this also works as a balm when mixed with shea butter
Third Trimester
Fluid Retention: Diluted cypress, lavender, ginger and grapefruit massaged into legs and ankles.
Really common after 28 weeks when the fluid in your body increases dramatically. You can use this
blend pre-emptivley as well as reactively.
Sleep: Apply diluted lavender, chamomile, vetiver, juniper or frankincense to soles of feet and back of neck
Foetal Position: If you want your baby to turn into the optimum position you can try massaging a
diluted mix of peppermint and myrrh from hip to hip over your bump, 2-3 times a day then crawling
on all fours for a few minutes
Labour
Early Labour
Wild orange and geranium promote safety and security which is excellent in early labour.
A lavender and peppermint spray (to the face and neck) will help you stay cool and calm.
You might be feeling a bit tense when you’re in early labour, a bit unsure of what’s ahead of you. A
lavender, frankincense and peppermint rollerball, applied in any areas holding tension, can we really
beneficial.
Remember, your sense of smell is often heightened when you’re in labour so don’t make your
blends too strong!
Second Stage
Frankincense is brilliant in the second stages of labour as it evokes grounding feelings. During the
final surges, peppermint and orange in a great blend as it’s uplifting and energising. Apply to back of
the next and temples.
Third Stage
Clary sage is a brilliant tool for the third stage of labour. Apply using firm pressure to the inner ankles
and to the abdomen. It will increase the strength and effectiveness of your surges. Mixed with
frankincense it’s a lovely way to help the delivery of your placenta.
Fourth Trimester
Post Natal Depression: This is a real thing that affects so many people. I would always make it clear that essentials oils can
help, but they should always seek help from other people as well and not try and process this alone.
Essential oils that can help though, include;
Frankincense, bergamot (known to boost self esteem), roman chamomile and vetiver – all known to
calm nerves and aid restlessness.
Grapefruit is connected to body acceptance and clary sage helps to balance hormones.
A nice Epsom bath salt mix that I include in my post-natal gift bags contains frankincense, orange
and clary sage
Afterpains
When you’re breastfeeding, your uterus continues to contract as a reaction to the oxytocin you’re
producing, which can be uncomfortable in the early days after giving birth. Apply lavender, white fir
and clary sage to your tummy or inside of the ankles. These oils are gentle so it’s ok if the baby
touches them
Caesarean
Helichrysum and frankincense, mixed with jojoba oil, massaged into the scar
Breastfeeding
Low Supply: Fennel, basil and clary sage are all known to help increase milk supply as well as
fenugreek tea
Oversupply: Peppermint oil, diluted, and dabbed onto breasts
Clogged Ducts: Make sure you change your feeding position as often as possible then massage a
diluted mix of cypress, fennel, grapefruit, lavender and patchouli
Cracked Nipples/Sore Breasts: Dilute myrrh, geranium and sandalwood with any carrier oil then
massage into breasts and nipples after each feed
Tearing, inflammation and soreness
This is a great one! Get yourself a reusable sanitary pad (wear ‘em out are a good brand!) and spray
a mix of 5 drops lavender, 5 drops frankincense, 5 drops of tea tree, 8tbsps filtered water and 6tbsps
witch hazel. Add a line of aloe gel down the centre of the pad and freeze. I would make up a batch of
these that live in the freezer, ready to be used when needed.
You can also use the spray on your perineum.
This is a snapshot of what essential oils and aromatherapy can do. Ask for advice and find the scents
that you like and make you feel good. It’s all very well and good being told a scent can help with
something but if you don’t like that scent, it will rarely work for you. Experiment and find your
positive anchors and then, when used in pregnancy, labour and postnatally, you can find there are
enormous benefits to be found.
I am available on both Instagram (@oyster_and_olive_birth_support) and also over email
(oysterdoula@gmail.com) to answer any questions.
Happy pregnancy!
Love, Jess
Oyster & Olive Birth Support
The Wonder of Homebirth and Overcoming Negative Stigma
Jess Swingler - Perinatal Doula
I myself, was born at home. 1987, New Year's Eve, snowing.
Fast forward 28 years and there I was, in the Midwife Lead Unit of an inner city hospital, birthing my first baby. It was an 'easy' birth, or so I kept hearing. From floor, to shower, to wheelchair - where I was finally given my new baby to hold, for the first time. Wheeled on to a ward in tears and left alone with curtains open "to help make friends", at 3am. My baby was about 2 hours old. My husband and I hadn't said a word to each other when he was sent home. Hate is a strong word but also a strong emotion. I really hated my experience of giving birth in hospital. I discharged myself, against the Midwife's advice, at 8am. I was there for a total of about 9 hours.
In 2018, 2 years later, I was pregnant with my second daughter. Despite the experience I had in hospital with my first, I ploughed ahead planning a second hospital based birth. In hindsight, this decision makes me really scared. The things we do because of conditioning. Huge decisions we make based on some sort of subliminal or subconscious cultural norm, inherently trodden into us and unquestioned.
I though, was one of the lucky ones. At around 20 weeks pregnant, I met a midwife, Molly, who asked if we would be her guinea-pigs. She was training as a hypnobirthing instructor and needed some live candidates to pass one of her modules.
In our first session we mapped out our birth preferences. She guided us to write down the experience of birthing our first baby then to put each decision into a pros and cons list. She then held this list up against the new set of preferences and revealed that everything we can put into 'cons', featured again on the new list. She suggested a homebirth which I laughed off with an arrogant, "obviously not". She gently pushed it and talked us through exactly what the homebirth could look like. We sat in our living room as she demonstrated how we could use different pieces of furniture. How the midwives could sit in the kitchen meaning they had a view but I would also feel safe and private. How once I'd given birth, I wasn't resigned to cold tea and toast but had the wealth of my own kitchen, filled with my own favorite things. She explained the benefits of being in your own environment, how it would solve logistical worries about transport and childcare. We picked telly programmes and radio stations. Having everything you need to hand, everyone feeling calm and happy and safe. The more she talked, the more obvious it was that this was the perfect option for us. So much so, I was confused why it hadn't been suggested before.
As I started to tell people that we had decided to have a homebirth, I quickly realised that the general consensus had been the same as mine, before we met Molly. From "you're brave" to "that's dangerous, why would you put your baby at risk when you don't have to". When you are pregnant, you often feel like public property anyway. Where people think it's ok to comment on your size and shape, names you like, what you eat. But wow, I hadn't expected such an onslaught of negative opinion. One I still hear all the time. I went to a pregnancy group recently where a mum, hitting 40 weeks, told another mum, who was about 20 weeks, that "obviously you can't have a homebirth with your first, that would be stupid". The second mum looked terrified and I could see her writing a mental note not to have a homebirth - to cross that off the list. My heart sank.
I talked to my mum, who had 4 babies at home on her bed, about our decision and she was thrilled. I asked her why she hadn't suggested it to me or my sisters when we were pregnant and she simply replied that "it was our choice to make".
I hear that, and appreciate the sentiment. But, unfortunately, culturally, we haven't caught up. We need to sing this from the rooftops so more people understand home to be such an incredible place to give birth. We need to push that it's safe, in fact often safer, than giving birth in hospital. How a clinical, medical environment works against your body when you're giving birth. Empower people to feel strong and confident in themselves and help them make informed decisions, to know their options. But also, just let them know that it isn't messy - because a small part of me believes that to be one of the main reasons why people don't want to do it!
It was what I learnt with Molly that really pushed me into birth work. Knowing that one caring and informed person could completely change my whole outlook on birth was inspiring. Working with her made me feel confident, listened to and excited to give birth.
Now I am a trained Doula, I am making it my mission to help birthing people fully understand all their options and support their decisions. Asking the right questions and encouraging an open-minded approach is at the fore-front of how I work. This is not to say I only support people who want to give birth at home - far from it - but I think it is really important to offer information on all different types of birth because it is impossible to make an informed decision or choice, without all the information in your hands. As your Doula, you, and your birth, are my priority.
If you want to add a guest post, please get in touch!
The Wonder of Homebirth and Overcoming Negative Stigma
Using Aromatherapy & Essential Oils in Pregnancy, Labour and Post-Natally
Why I Became a Doula - INCOMING!
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